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Trending Topics: What’s this ‘Fire Bruce Boudreau’ nonsense?
What's this bullshit?! What's this day of rest shit?! Jesus don't care! What is this nonsense huh pal?
So the Washington Capitals got bounced from the playoffs in just four games against a team they beat out for the division lead. And now there's talk — foolish, foolish talk — that, as a consequence, so too will Bruce Boudreau's tenure as the team's head coach end.
Well that's just crazy talk boy! I mean, the NOTION that the COACH has any impact WHATSOEVER on the outcome of what's it now...4 years of playoff failures?! I like how in the very first sentence he's already brushing aside the indelible nature of our exit. Wait, sorry that's fuckin' foolish. Go on..
This is, maybe, the dumbest thing I've heard someone say about hockey all damn year.
The dumbest? Really, all year? What about Boogard saying, hey I'll have another beer?
Theoretically and based on their regular-season records, the Capitals should have advanced past the second round before this year.
JUST THEORIES FOLKS@! Nothing to see here, really! For you see, there is absolutely no reason, at all.
And if they had, we wouldn't be having this ridiculous conversation. But the playoffs are an inherently unfair and flawed system, one which benefits lucky clubs rather than good ones; though the two are not always mutually exclusive.
Uh, well, so here we have it folks, the actual crux of his argument. For you see, feeble peasants in the fields, the playoffs are simply flawed! Yes of course, I Ryan something or other from YAho()!! is here to tell you only LUCKY clubs win! well, you know, not mutually exclusive or some lame back out after making a shitty point...
But guess what: The Tampa Bay Lightning are one lucky-ass team.
LensositheHutt later added to that point 'Yes, the lightening posses the most rarest and of the charts rated luck, and magic skills learned from the nebulaon galaxy phase two!'
They got every bounce in a four-game series to go their way.
Every single fucking one, trust me, big Ry guy here checked. Every damn game second, every bounce! TB was AVERAGING 5 lucky bounces PER MINUTE! Numbers never before recorded in the HISTORY OF THIS NEVER HAPPENED!
They got better-than-could-be-reasonably-expected-from-an-octogenarian goaltending.
Whoa! Am I supposed to subtract all that shit?! Okay, let's see here... Gonna need my damn graphing calculator for that shit.... Octogenarian, is that like eight?
They got some mediocre performances from a couple of Capitals, who, one can reasonably suspect, were pretty banged up.
Mike Green later added, 'yeah I had to stuff cotton balls directly into my eardrums to stop the leaking of blood and puss, this really nasty green shit, I dunno man couldn't even hear Schultzy all game, then my fuckin' shin just starting fuckin' achin and shit?! I swear I was pissin' blood after warm-ups! But you know, we went bowlin' after and my arm felt fine, until later probably need Tommy John surgery this year, hope to back!'
They were, to put it succinctly, not exactly the better team in this series.
And now I will argue to NOT CHANGE ANYTHING!
Remember, this is the same team that peed down its leg in the second half of the season when it started leading the division, while Washington rebounded from that lengthy losing streak around the Winter Classic and clobbered everyone in its path en route to the top seed in the East. No small feat.
Am I losing it or did he just mention pee?!? Hold on...
this is the same team that peed down its leg
Wow! There it is again! Awesome! Huh huh, cool!
And the reason it was able to do that?
Bruce Boudreau. Pretty much solely.Well, that's something, huh? So let's clear this up, just to put as simply as possible, you support the following points:
Point 1: BB was the SOLE REASON the team came back to win the conference.
Point 2: After yet ANOTHER collapse in the playoffs, he should NOT BE HELD accountable.
Yay!
We saw it, too, in the first round, when the Capitals disemboweled the New York Rangers just like everyone on the planet who doesn't own a Rangers jersey knew they would.
As their entrails seeped onto the ice sheet and whirling giant blur of slime and blubber whisked across the slick surface consuming the very bowels draped in torn blue jerseys! The owner shouted in glee as bloody guts streamed down his glistening bulbous sixteen chins! Oh what a moment!
But things go wrong in the second round, and suddenly a lot of Chicken Littles start pecking around the Caps dressing room asking asinine questions.
The chicken little's grew restless! At once the hutt leader swept them through the underground chamber to their demise at the gorlak while the dancing crowd and jazz fusion band jammed!
If this type of change is being considered, then I'm a little surprised.
Shocked even? Maybe, I dunno, startled? Taken aback? Flustered? Forced to pause and take stock on one's life? Gleamed? Ensued? Alarmed? Engulfed? Seat of said pant or chair? Unless standing?
To be fair, McPhee said he "expects" that Boudreau will be back. (Leading me to believe that the decision might come from a bit higher up the food chain; say, the owner's box).
As opposed to who? The fucking clan council?! This is a fuckin' crime family asshole, who has resided over this corner of the Tatooine core for centuries now! There is only one hutt at the top of the food chain at all times!
And really, who could do a better job with the Capitals as currently constituted than Boudreau?
Durr! We need Gibbs! Yee-haw!!!
It's unfair to label a guy a choker or say he can't get it done in the postseason when everything but the final score of the games indicates he coaches the best and most efficient team on the ice in not only the regular season, but also all the series they've lost in the last few years.
Most efficient, in a fucking best of seven series, where they proceeded to lose each of the first fucking four?! To a team they dominated all year? What else, other then the fucking SCORE indicates who coaches best?!? This isn't fuckin' t-ball son!
Again, the playoffs are ruled through the tyranny of small sample sizes.
This tyranny! This most evil of lords! Presiding over us, his mere peasants! Worshiping his feet from the fields afar! And I'm sorry four years of playoffs at this point is not really that small a sample size.
Boudreau's teams essentially lost three one-goal games (the 4-2 scoreline in Game 1 came due to an empty netter) to a Bolts team that statistically should have failed.
Statistically! What those are, I can't exactly lay out here haha! I mean, that would be silly! I can just say they should have failed! See its all in the stats! What's that, the blog entry is due, shit okay here you go...
These weren't humiliating blowouts — unless you count Mike Green's(notes) doors on the Game 3 winner — but rather skin-of-their-teeth victories that could very easily have gone the other way.
Unless you count the most critical fuckin' game in a goddamn sweep! The only chance we had with SUPPOSED fresher legs and all that shit and we just ignore a giant gaff from a kid who probably shouldn't have even been playing.
Hell, only one team wins the Stanley Cup every year. And that doesn't even make the coach who Got It Done a genius.
No fuckin' shit you smug little country club douche nozzle, does that mean we have to go another thirty fuckin' years with incompetence at the helm and let the prime years of a hockey superstar go to waste because barbeque face needs ONE MORE chance?!? Do you really think this team would turn terrible with someone else at the helm? Are you kidding me?!
Fire Boudreau? Honestly?
Yes, seriously, why not. Name one team that would hire the guy? Honestly? Figuratively? Emotionally? Emphatically? Douchetastically? Cuntlickishly? Seriously?
To paraphrase the man himself, "That's really [expletive]in' dumb."
Just a top notch quote there to back up your keep the status quo campaign! Now I'm all fired up!
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