It's Over, Johnny.

Katie, oh Katie, you young innocent lass, feeble almost child-like wanderer, just peering into a deep dark forest of 30 horrible years rooting for this miserable hockey team. A bright-eyed bushy tailed (I heard she does in fact have a tail) local beat reporter just tries her best to document the comings and goings of this miserable franchise. Just too many great quotes though to let this one go:

Do not click link - really horrible image

I told you not to click it, who got a camera that damn close to his face, or maybe the guy was like twenty feet across the room and Boudreau is just about ready to explode.

A day after the Washington Capitals were swept by the Tampa Bay Lightning in the second round of the Stanley Cup playoffs, General Manager George McPhee said he expects Bruce Boudreau to return as head coach.

Wonderful. Praise Jesus!

“I expect him to be back,” McPhee said. “He’s a good coach. Someone said he’s not a playoff coach, there’s no difference between a playoff coach and a regular season coach. You’re either a good coach or you’re not. He’s a good coach.”

This one is really tough to watch, I mean, really George? Is that really your theory now? I mean, I get the whole 'no such thing as clutch' argument to a certain extent, but I really think that theory veers too far into ignoring the human element of the sport, the constant presence of the soul, of the mind, of the 'butterflies' that truly rise up in certain humans under pressure situations. I know in my own feeble experience this can grip the mental, oh fuck this comment anyway there is a huge difference you miserable hack GM.

But as the Capitals returned to Arlington on Thursday to clean out their lockers and conduct final interviews before dispersing for the summer,

'So Mikey, how was your season?''Well, shit my head is still fuckin' ringin from that damn concussion, did you see that puck knock my damn helmet off? Then I stepped in this fuckin' wasp nest cleaning out my grandma's gutters, the fuckers got me good coach, that was able the same time my''ok thanks for comin' in.' 'Ok Ov, good to see you captain, so how was your season?' 'I score goal not much as, playoffs we always lose I think I try hard you never know?''ok Thanks for comin' in!'

there were plenty questions about what changes might happen within the organization that has been unable to advance beyond the second round since 1998. On his personal blog, owner Ted Leonsis said there would not be any rash reaction to yet another stunning playoff exit.

He said this through his tortured language droids he keeps chained to the fence by the gorgolak.

“The best course of action for us though is to let a few days pass;” Leonsis wrote. “Be very analytic about what needs to be improved; articulate that plan; and then execute upon it.”

He also added, 'Han solo is pond scum, I have placed a twenty thousand space peso bounty on his skull and if anyone catches that skywalker, that dasterdly skywalker, I will crush his limbs and serve him with a side of cavier!'

The Capitals’ plan moving forward could include an alteration of the roster through trades or free agent signings,

Here's some FREE suggestions, new: Coach, Assistant Coach - Offense, Assistant Coach - Defense, 1st line RW, 2nd line center, 3rd line left wing, 4th line grinder, 4th line fighter, waterboy, trainer, assistant to the masseuse, secretary, janitor..

but Boudreau’s future has been at the center of discussion.

Shocking development, ooo ooo I know, I got this one! How about he chokes?

The Capitals have made four consecutive trips to the playoffs under Boudreau but are 17-20 in those games. Conversely, since he took over on Thanksgiving Day in 2007, Boudreau has gone 189-79-39 in the regular season for a winning percentage of .679, the highest of any coach in NHL history who has worked 250 games. On Thursday, McPhee reiterated that he believes Boudreau is a solid coach and went so far as to ask reporters if coaching changes “really change things in most cases.”

Solid?! The man is literally a walking jelly donut, he fucking jiggles in a five mile an hour breeze, he's often mistook for a blimp.

For his part, Boudreau wouldn’t speculate.“It’s not up to me to think,'

I couldn't make this shit up.

'Those questions — how can I answer them?” Boudreau said. “And I can’t.

Questions like, how do we score more goals, why is our power play so bad, why can't the defensemen seem to stay out of the way, how does one play hockey, what are good strategies for winning hockey games, how come my players suck balls every year?

And I leave it up to somebody else or I’d go nuts.”

This is not a really great coaching strategy.

Most players, including Alex Ovechkin, declined to comment on the possibility of a coaching change. But Brooks Laich, who has played for Boudreau both in Washington and in Hershey with the minor league Bears, stood up for the coach once more.

Here we go with more Brooks Laich waxing poetic about his coach. Frankly, I'm kinda sick of the both of em, go play in Columbus douche.

“Bruce, I think is just a wizard."

There is no way you can read that without picturing the fattest wizard ever. I mean no way, a fucking wizard, with fucking super powers and flowing beard and all that shit would pound cheeseburgers like that skinny Japanese dude on the fourth of July.

The guy just walks, talks, breathes hockey,” said Laich, who is set to become an unrestricted free agent this summer.

Well, that's not all he does, mostly he eats hockey. Yes ladies and gentlemen, Brooksie forgot to mention he actually consumes hockey puck burgers during games.

“And I’ll guarantee he cares more about this team, about his team, than any other coach in the league. I’ll say that ‘til the day it’s over. That man truly believes in every one of his players and his coaching staff and I think we’re fortunate, lucky to play for those guys.”

Get real dude, the guy's a train wreck every freaking spring, fool me once and you know whatever the fuck.

Over the next several days, McPhee said he will meet with players and coaches in exit interviews, then the Capitals’ pro scouts and ownership to formulate a strategy for how to approach the offseason.

Durrr we give Bradley and Gordon each 2 million! And then..... we sign Greenie to an obscene ten year contract and watch his brain literally ooze out of his head! Then we definitely extend Poti another two years, solid veteran missed him big time this year! Finally, I think we'll trade Carlson and Alzner, they just let us down back there, could swing a great deal!

While McPhee typically keeps his plans close to the vest,

Along with the entire vortex of the universe!

he admitted that during the playoff run, he was already writing prospective lineups for the 2011-12 campaign.

Ha ha! What a douche, is that your biggest concern at that point? Who did you have penciled in George? Some other numbnut that couldn't make the freakin' Avalanche?

“There’s a certain place I want to get to with the team,"

Losing in the third round!

"and I think we have it within our organization to get there,” McPhee said.

Clearly!

“I don’t think we have to go outside the organization, which is nice. So I want to spend more time talking to our scouts about that and what they’ve seen in our young players this year. But we’ve really got some good ones, real difference makers.

So let me decipher this text, in order to WIN IN THE PLAYOFFS, he plans on using players ALREADY in the organization who have NO ADDITIONAL PLAYOFF experience even though they're somehow difference makers...

And that’s something we’ll sort through in the next few months.”

Sorting! Yay! We can order them by last name! No wait I know, birthday! Oooooo Eakin's a pisces!

McPhee said the Capitals are “in no rush to change things” when it comes to their goaltending depth, but with Michal Neuvirth having emerged as the starter and Braden Holtby making himself part of the equation faster than anticipated, it’s becoming a crowded position on the depth chart.

Still feel Holtby is the best one, kinda disappointed we didn't see Varly at all these playoffs. I mean, Nuevy is already signed for a couple more years, shouldn't we have evaluated what we really had in Varly at this point before committing more cash to him?

Sounds like quite the exciting off-season... Where's my noose?