When a Hutt speaks, the whole world must listen!
Leonsis: Teams add to community’s quality of life
You hear that community?!? Quit bitchin' about your goddamn sub par quality of life! We have a TEAM!!! It's all we need! I don't want to hear about employment rates, debt ceilings, social security or any other stupid depressing BS, no folks, all we need is a team in our life! So sayeth the Hutt!
Long before Ted Leonsis became a successful entrepreneur and majority owner of the Washington Wizards, Capitals, Mystics and the Verizon Center, he was the mayor of a small town in Florida.
Ahh yes, those dastardly Hutts, gaining political leverage to unleash a fury of gang violence! He had miles of Cubans stretched out in the orange fields of a small town in F-L-A pumping out wares 18-20 hours a day! Oh what a time, oh what a life!
More so than any of his other business accomplishments, Leonsis credits that experience with preparing him to become a sports team owner.
Indeed, nothing says 'winning the stanley cup' like managing the budget concerns of Big Joe's Monster Truck n' Tow from Clearwater Florida! I heard Brian Burke used to manage a Wal-Mart!
“I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about the social ramifications of owning a sports team."
These space peasants won't drink themselves to death!
"The responsibility that comes with it is not unlike being an elected public official,”
So true, also not unlike mining for rare ores in the sand hills of Tattoine!
“There is a silent majority, and you worry about their needs,” he said.
The Gorlackian government is a most untrustworthy opponent of the Hutt clan! They most certainly have infiltrated our lair with a cunning set of spies!
"It’s your job to be able to filter what each side is saying, but never lose sight that it’s the masses that we have to be concerned with.”
Yes, as Hutt clansmen we must always be aware of the masses! For without the feeble weaklings, who would mine the depths, pick the orange groves, or commit mass murder sprees against our enemies?!
Known for being one of the most media-savvy and accessible owners in pro sports
A savvy only rivaled by his most insatiable appetite for moist rodent!
Leonsis communicates with fans every day through his blog and through email
And a quite slow gorgolak mail carrier!
and said he strives to answer every concern that comes to his attention.
Ted, I really would like those little tropical umbrellas in my mai tai next time I'm hanging out in the space lounge, any way you could make that happen? Also, got any digits for that retractable lipped lead-singer? She really pushes my buttons...
In addition to building championship teams, Leonsis believes that sports team ownership also is a public trust and should be viewed as a higher calling.
Oh get over yourself. You sold some fucking AOL stock and bought a goddamn hockey team, you're not the fucking pope you stupid fat Hutt.
He wants to see his teams bring the community together, in addition to winning championships.
Shut the fuck up, get over the goddamn community. You know what cheers everyone up douche? Winning a fucking cup, that's it. It just is. (please read that last sentence in a really high-pitched Simmons-esque voice, thanks)
“Washington is really an emblematic city, not only for our country, but for the world,” Leonsis said. “It’s a vibrant and growing city.”
Yes for you see, only in this city can change be brought! What's that, another government shut down, well I'll be...
Leonsis identified five factors that define a city:
"Whores, snacks, drugs, jazz-fusion, and slaves"
universities, public space, iconic real estate, media properties and sports teams.
Uh oh, wait, public space?!? Public space? Like the actual air? Yes, and water, land, and the other shit...
He talked about how sports intertwines all of them.
Yes sports is so very critical to my sense of public space!
“Sports is one of the three main drivers of reputation in an educational institution,” Leonsis said.
This is so fucking wrong and depressing on so many levels, I can't even comment on them.
“Selectivity is number one, how difficult is it to get into the school; research dollars is second, and usually a major athletic program is number three."
Wha, the what?!? What does this have to do with winning a cup?? And what does a PRO HOCKEY TEAM have anything at all to do with school? I think Ted has eaten one too many space brownies...
“It’s no secret that the better the Georgetown men’s basketball program does, the more applications there are to attend the school. It’s like a three-hour infomercial when a team is playing on national television.”
And that impacts the Caps how? And fuck Georgetown, like they need another infomercial. The next twenty freshman classes are already spec'ed out by government seats and brown nosed lobbyist brats.
After the death of long time Bullets/Wizards owner Abe Pollin in 2009, Leonsis purchased the team and Verizon Center, which he now calls “public space” for the city.
Public Space?!?! How is that possible Ted? Seeing as how you just ONCE AGAIN raised ticket prices for both teams? Public, but only if you can fork over 45k a year to sit in the nosebleeds?!
“The Verizon Center is now a convener. We bring in 2 [million] to 3 million people [annually],” Leonsis said.
And usually only consume 1[million] to 2[million] people (limbs included) [daily].
“We have to protect and enhance our public space because it’s a big part of the identity of our community."
We can have infomercials! Come one come all! Just ignore the gorlog monster at the front gate, he's harmless WINK WINK*
“When you think of Manhattan, and you ask anyone to name the important pieces of real estate, a top-10 mention is Madison Square Garden. We have the Verizon Center right near the Mall, right near the Capitol, right near the White House. It’s becoming an iconic piece of real estate."
Wait, so in one fell swoop you compare your crappy little corporate named barely 10 year old building wedged between a metro station and china town, to the fucking white house, MSG or the goddamn capitol? Are you mental or are all Hutts this insane?!?
"It activates local commerce.”
Indeed, as soon as I see those crappy outdated glass facades of your Verizon center I have this irresistible urge to re-up my cell phone plan!
Leonsis believes that when people think of Washington, D.C., they now think about the Capitals, the Wizards and the Mystics the same way that New Yorkers think of the Yankees, or Bostonians think of the Red Sox and the Bruins.
Yup, you heard it first folks, Mystics = Red Sox! Suck it Boston!
Leonsis declined to offer many specifics about the Wizards,
Get the fuck out of here, the man declined to offer specifics? Now I've heard everything...
but did express excitement about some of the recent moves made by the Caps.
A bulge in his Hutt pants moved six inches!
“all in hopes of trying to perfect and build a team that the community can be really proud of and that can define its success by bringing our community closer together and hopefully competing for and one day winning a championship."
Yes, nothing helps winning a championship in HOCKEY then bringing the community together! For you see, the Bruins did not bother to get better at hockey, or you know, learn to score more goals, no folks they just had a bake sale! Yep, brownies and cakes for all the little children! I heard Chara makes a mean rice-krispee treat!
There’s no more tickets to sell
But its a public space, all are welcome!
we’ve spent every dollar we can spend under the salary cap in the NHL, and there’s nothing to do other than to provide the fans a team that hopefully can do better next year.
Nothing left to be done! Get your playoff tickets now! The Cup is ours!
" I think there’s trust between our franchise and our fans base that everyone knows that that’s what our goal is.”
Now rock the red you lazy mother fuckers!
"Far from being removed, or adversarial toward the media, Leonsis said he feels more a part of the media, and is aware of his ability to affect people lives."
He feels that way because he ate the media with a sad face.
“Sports plays an unbelievably special role in people’s lives."
Indeed, we can all forget that we toil away each day under the weighty thumb of our Hutt overlords, instead able to focus on the caps! So lucky!
"We’re relatively small businesses, but our psychic footprint is incredibly large,”
Yes, my psychic powers are through the roof!
“I want to bring the community together, and make lifelong memories.”
I want the children to paint pictures of me, I want the great artists to sculpt my nude form throughout the city! Each thoroughfare, every intersection shall bask in the glow of my shining blubber! The people will weep and drop at the sight of my Hutt name!
God, any chance he could sell to Mark Cuban? I mean, fuck the community man, just win a goddamn cup before I'm too old and senile to pick out the puck on T.V.
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