Follow the Leader!

Welp, here we go gang. Another rousing summer afternoon gleaming news bits and sound bytes from the latest developments at rookie camp (well shiver me timbers!) Oh what a time to be alive! To hear BB's latest musing on all things Galiev! I just wish, in this most down of down-times, this rash of summer rage, this heatwave of extreme boredom, someone would come along with an article all about our new young fearless leadership! A treaty, if you will, based merely on speculation and a most wish-washy of methods, an extensive analysis of what the future may hold! I require a sage! A most advanced mind to plumb the depths and provide a glimpse of the future! Oh cruel world, what may be cast for my beloved of franchises?!?

Phew, crappy article to the rescue:

Linky

"Leaders or followers? We’ll find out"

Ohhh yeahhhhh! Now that, is one badd-asss mother-fluckin title! The Beezzzzzzz Kneezzzzzzzzzz of titles baby. Shit article or great article? WE'LL FIND OUT BITCH!

Since the Washington Capitals ran aground in the second round of the playoffs

THE BOAT HAS CRASHED INTO THE MOUNTAIN!

their front office has had meetings with Alex Ovechkin, Nicklas Backstrom, Mike Green, Brooks Laich — the core Caps, in other words. The subject of the sit-downs? Leadership.

Eh, seems a little vague there article writer, probably went something a little more like this:


Ovechkin, subject? Pussy
Backstrom, subject? Kush
Green, subject? My fuckin' rash is actin up again coach!
Laich, subject? Money and fat wizards, and not necessarily in that order.

Jason Arnott, after all, is gone now.

Oh what a fuckin' blow, how can we ever go on?! To lose some numbnut over-the-hill blowhard who couldn't score in a paper bag full of Eastern Euro whores, what devastation!

So is Sergei Fedorov, the Jason Arnott of 2008 and 2009.

First of all, on what fuckin' planet do you get off article writing guy comparing the GREAT SERGEI FUCKING FEDOROV to some douche bag who played here one goddamn weekend?!? Sergei gave us almost 18 months of pure hockey bliss bringing it night after night rocking the red and single-handedly beating the rangers that year (at least thats how I choose to remember it so fuck off).

So, come to think of it, are Boyd Gordon, Eric Fehr and Matt Bradley — all Capitals of fairly long standing.

Long standing caps who all happened to suck balls and combined for 3 goals last year between various ailments, a totally wrecked back, two shoulders literally glued on at this point, and a face so broken and bloodied that his wife divorced him on the spot (I think).

“The whole discussion was: It’s time for you guys to take over,” general manager George McPhee said Monday at the Caps’ development camp at Kettler Iceplex.

 GMGM paused for six hours, then continued, 'yes gentlemen, your time has come. Now I must return to Ted's side for it the feast of a thousand hutts tonight and I SHAN'T be late!'

Or to put it another way: You’re not kids anymore.

Good one article guy! Seriously though, leave the snark to the professionals, like myself...

“That’s right. They’re some of our top players, and they need to be top players if we’re going to have success. It’s about coming to camp in the best shape of their lives …”

Classic GMGM, how to say something controversial without really saying anything at all 101.

(Feel free to read between the lines here.) 

Thanks writer douche but I'll feel whatever I damn well want to feel asshat!

“… It’s about taking care of themselves during the season …” 

All those ellipses represent pauses of 18-20 minutes from the interview.

(Feel free to read between the lines here, too.)

Goddammit, I'm serious now, stop telling me what to feel!


“- It’s about being coachable. It’s about talking to the other players if they’re not doing the right things and straightening them out.”

Ov: Yo Galiev!!! I have great ganga back at crib my comrade! Come we hit hookah all night with beautiful babes!

Captain Ovie and the others are the stage of their careers where they must become the keepers of the flame.

Rider's of the storm! Keepers of the flame!

In fact, it raises an interesting question: Are leaders born, or can they also be made?

Yep, this is definitely the article I was jonsing for, I mean, imagine the mind that would dare to ask the real tough questions! Such insight! Such wisdom!

As we’ve seen time and again, winning a Stanley Cup is as much alchemy as science. 

OOOhhh tell us more professor! Oh I got one, will we ever be able to clone ourselves?!?

When the Caps went to the finals in 1998, Olie Kolzig, their new associate goalie coach, said, “we thought we were going to be back there soon, because we had a pretty good team and a pretty good organization. But we never got out of the first round again. 

Listen, Olie, I love ya baby, but you all kinda sucked that year. I mean really, the Sabres? give me a break...

“Sometimes being favored doesn’t always work to your favor. There’s a lot of pressure that you have to live up to. Some guys can play with that, some guys can’t.” 

This guy definitely went to coach's lecture clinic!


Yes, there’s plenty of youth on the roster, and the future would appear to be bright, but “that window is going to start closing here,” Kolzig said

And again with the fucking window! I swear, Kolzig reads my blog, that's the only explanation.


“especially with the collective bargaining agreement now and the salary cap.You can’t keep the team together for that long"

Oi, thanks Ollie, way to get us psyched for the upcoming year. I've heard more enthusiasm from a mostly damp blanket...

Olie has his own ideas about the nature/nurture, born-to-lead/raised-to-lead issue.

Get out of here! One of the biggest hypocritical self-centered douchebag over the hill, 'my skillsets are gone but I should be starting 75 games like brodeur' goalies ever has his own ideas? Come on man, get real!

During his playing days, you see, he roomed with Adam Oates and then Halpern — both of whom wore the “C” in Washington  

Imagine trying to get through a shower with kolzig running around!

“the impact that Oatsy had on Halpy,” he said. “But Halpy always had that ability to be a leader"

Halpy! Oatsy! Kolzigy! Meet Vokouny! and Ovy! Oh my favorite, Backstromy! Hey you Wardy! You're my boy Bouwery!

 “I was always a guy who wore his emotions on his sleeve and was never shy about letting people know how I felt." 

Yeah! Like that time I got benched, the team went on a miracle 10 game run to make the playoffs for the first time in a billion years, and I pissed and moaned and tore my nameplate off my locker and went running to Florida!

" But, yeah, I think you’re just born with it. You might be able to learn to be a proper leader, but I think, deep down inside, you have to have that ability. You just need to learn how to do it.”

I tell ya, I could just about listen to Olie wax poetic on anything! I mean, the insight! So let's line things up for our big finish, Olie the goalie says leaders are born not made, what say you article guy?

Ovechkin, Backstrom, Green and Laich have spent the past few seasons in the classroom, studying under Professors Fedorov and Arnott. Now it’s time for their final exam.


Uh, that sounds really weird right after that Olie quote. Did you cut out letters from magazines and glue this article together wrong? And still, their ages range from 24-28, how does this year constitute a final exam?!? I mean, other then Mikey, they all have the next 6+ years together to rock the red!


Are they leaders, or are they just really talented followers?

Are they hockey players, or are they just really talented astronauts?
Are they pimps, or are they just always hanging out with whorish women?
Are they drug dealers, or are they just users constantly pictured hitting hookahs?

There isn’t much riding on it. Only everything.

Snark dog barks again! Oh my, only everything OV! Yeah, no cup and we don't pay the remaining 11 years on your contract son!

So to recap, our title projected a chance to find out: leaders or followers? Our third to last sentence re-iterates this point, by again asking us if we know. I'm so confused, someone lead these goofballs! Maybe we can dig up Owen Nolan's grand-dad to make one last run!