Yes indeed! Gabby the Wide! The greatness of Girth! Hockey's preemptive crowning Wizard o' Power Play! I know, when I'm looking for the real insight, the true intelligence, the ultimate method of professionalism and goal-scoring prowess, I turn to our fearless leader! He of the triple x-l alligator golf shirt! With matching wrinkled five day old khaki pant! If only there were some local beat correspondent with a cuteish smile and whimsical slant of the eyes, a homely girl-next-door type with nicely parted auburn highlights, a simple gal to lead us through the foliage...
Post
Coach Bruce Boudreau muses about Capitals’ line combinations for next season
By Tarik El-Bashir
Damn! Some terrorist (at least by name appearance and no I'm not racist) has taken over my lovely blogger's blog! The humanity!
As I mentioned on Twitter last week
Fuck you tarik, this article is not about you, or your goddamn loser twitter account that I'm sure has exactly 2 followers, your mom and dad (assuming dad lets her slip off the ole birka every now and then and log on to her laptop).
I spent this past weekend in St. Catharines, Ont., at Capitals Coach Bruce Boudreau's 29th annual Golden Horseshoe Hockey School.
My, what possible grand prize did you win?!?
In bad times, the camp supplemented his minor-league coaching salary.
Yes, those constant buffet trips can be costly...
The past few years, though, he's kept it going for his 13-year-old son, Brady, and because he and his wife, Crystal, enjoy doing it.
Damnit Brady! I told you to stay on the rug!!
Look for that story in the next week or so.
Oh god, I can't fucking wait. I mean, to think, all the great info you could of just uploaded here to the blog, but NOOOO, make us wait just like the fucking weathermen with their goddamn seven day forecast that is never right! And have you noticed, airplane peanuts?!?
In the meantime, I want to share a few interesting items from an interview with Boudreau that focused on the Caps.
Damn, I was really hoping the interview had covered more pressing items, such as Denny's latest 1.99 specials!
One of the more interesting items that came up was the style of play the team will implement this season.
So interesting, and never before brought up with relation to the Caps last season! I mean, really, they changed systems you say??? I've never heard of that! What's a system?
It's been well-documented that Boudreau was forced to switch from his trademark high-octane style to a defensive posture when the flood of goals all but dried up in December.
Yes well documented by you asshat columnists who really don't have anything original or important to say with regards to this fourth-rate sport you've grudgingly been assigned to cover?
But now he's contemplating another tweak.
And the mountains trembled! Avalanche of snow and ice barreled forth with unwavering speeds! The world shook at the might of tweak contemplation! Lookout everyone, be ready to have your mind melted!
“I'm hoping that we can be a hybrid,” Boudreau said.
(insert image of that old guy's head exploding)
“There's some parts we changed [last season] that I really loved."
He listed them:
-Free all you-can-eat breakfast buffet on the road trips
-Free pizza toppings for every goal scored
-Complimentary bagels and burritos when you rock the red!
-Ice Cream on Fridays!
"I'd like to get back to being more of a quick-break team.”
Yes, for you see, with a quicker team, you may, score more goals! Yes Yes! Stanley Cup is ours!!
Boudreau would not delve into the specifics of positioning and the responsibilities of individual players in the new system.
Very simple reason for that, he has no clue what those words mean for they do not appear anywhere on the Dennys late-night menu...
But he also made it clear that he doesn't want them to revert to the Caps of 2009-10, with forwards routinely gliding back, or camping out in the neutral zone while the puck is deep in Washington's end, or more important, feeling that defensive-zone coverage isn't in their job description.
You remember, way back in 2009, you know, when the Caps were the BEST FUCKING TEAM in the goddamn sport. Yeah, lets NEVER get back to that...
“I'd like to be a quick-break team but not [have forwards] taking off, waiting at the blue line,” he said.
Couldn't you just, I dunno, tell them not to? I mean, is that really that hard? You are the fucking coach for christssake...
The coaching staff tested the hybrid system in development camp
Indeed, nothing helps identify strengths and weaknesses of a potential NHL hockey team's system then seeing how a bunch of teenagers with no experience playing against imaginary opponents handle it...
“It seemed to work really good,” he said, before later adding, “I'm always trying to be more of an offensive coach. I love offense. You have to score to win.”
Wow, I think all these camps, clinics, and lectures are really paying off... Finally our coach has figured out, after all these years, you have to score to win! What next genius boy, a cure for cancer is surely in the works?!?
Something else I found interesting was Boudreau's take on line combinations and defensive pairings heading into next season.
He makes them up out of thin air?! His son Brady takes a dump and he arranges them out of the excrement?! His wife Crystal calls them out while washing the windows of his new Mercedes?!
For one, it didn't sound like Alex Ovechkin-Nicklas Backstrom-Mike Knuble is a lock to be the first line.
Really, after the two highest paid players, biggest superstars on the team had horrible years playing with old-man-river who couldn't keep up, they just might consider a change? GTFOBBQWTF
Or, for that matter, that Brooks Laich will be the second-line center.
Oh Brooksies!! Give it to me hard baby! Call me wizard boy!
Or, for that matter, that John Erskine will be sitting in the press box.
Yeah, he'd look great in a Hershey Bears uni...
“Our depth is tremendous,” he said. “I go over the lines, as you know, every day."
Unless of course its shrimp day on the golden corral, then ALL BETS ARE OFF!
“Who plays where?”
“There's a lot of options there,” he added, hardly taking a breath.
Silly columnist/blogger/terrorist, that's just how the man breathes, you see, he's kinda (shhhh) fat...
I know that was a mouthful, but stick with him.
I'm not making this up, and yes it indeed was a mouthful. A mouthful of cannoli...
Boudreau said Schultz will be in much better shape in next month's training camp next versus last season and, in his opinion, “is going to open up some eyes.”
Yep, bigbird is really shaping up this summer! He's worked out with Brady all month...
“Last year — this never got out — but he had an illness all summer long"
I'm sorry but being a seven foot tall pylon who couldn't body check a member of the Chinese ping pong team is not an illness, did not last all summer long, and has certainly gotten out at this point.
This summer, he's been in the gym working, running and he's getting leaner"
Any leaner and he literally wouldn't be able to stand. He's a fucking walking plank of wood...
"When I saw him at the end of July, he was in great shape.”
"And then I ate him," he added with a sad face.
Boudreau said he did not have an update on Poti's status.
Not much to update from the grave.... Oh sick burn!
That's all for now, folks. I'll see if I can mine a few more nuggets from my recorder for another post later this week.
Oh boy, someone went to the Peter King summer school of nuggets. Hey Tarik, please get out of my caps insider and let the natural beauty resume domination please? K thanks!
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