Greetings

Well well well...... here we go! Yes! 2011 back in this peace! OMG you guys!!! Guess who?!?!

Yup, Shady's back, tell all the friends you have ever met. Do it now, just do it, come on do it now!

I am back to save the universe! So many exclamation marks! Okay, okay, guys lets take it in a notch, just reel it on back, you know a few commas, maybe a semi-colon; okay, that's better. I hope my editor doesn't mind!

&&@@A!!!

Sorry Just had to get that last one out. So here we go, seven damn years later, I'm still alive! First off, thanks for caring and thanks for writing me so much, so many fans out there just pouring their hearts out to the lucky caps fan and nothing but crickets, does anyone even read blogspot or whatever this site is anymore? Is this still geocities? Where am I?

Anyhooo, lets get back to the matter at hand. Our beloved Washington Capitals, my my my, after all these years soo much has changed, stanley cups overfloweth! Oh wait, that's the hawks and pens, nope, my lovely lucky plucky hockey organization is still winless in the cup department, still waiting for their chance to finally lift the hardware and have a most epic of boat parties.

Before we press forward into the insanity of 2018, we have to first look back at all the loved ones we have lost from the blog. Lets see here, of course our head coach, Gabby the wide has moved on to greener pastures, greener jerseys and even less greens in his diet. Good friend NHL defensemen Mike Green has played a few quality seasons in between herpes flair-ups for the detroit red wings, good on you young son, here's hoping that gout doesn't return. Stable punching bag karl alzner went to Montreal and I guess disappeared? I dunno, what happened there?

Oh well, will still have some great talents and some new cush bros for backy to hang with so all is well! First order of business then, the mighty pens! Woooo scareyyy! Whatever shall we do?!? Shiver me timbers!!!! Time for a linky!

Alltheyoungdudes

Yep, back to the post, back to where it all began! Oh Katie, how I've missed you! What's that, she left 4 years ago?! Oh brother, who is writing this drivel now?

By Isabelle Khurshudyan
Hmm... I'll allow it, continue my fair lass!

Alex Ovechkin was smiling, not shuddering, at the subject of the Washington Capitals’ second-round opponent. “I can’t wait,”

He can't wait to start the fingerbanging!!! Oh Yeah I'm back baby!!!

Ovechkin said immediately after his team advanced to the Eastern Conference semifinals against the Pittsburgh Penguins.

He can’t wait to play the defending Stanley Cup champions? The team that has ended his season three times over the course of his career?

The team that has completely ruined every spring for the my entire child and adult hood? The team that sucks the donkey tit? The team with the greatest bestest boy named sidney ever to live? The team that takes your ice cream? The team that drowns small puppies in abandoned bath tubs?

Okay, got a little dark there.

“There’s not a person in this locker room or on our coaching staff that doesn’t want to play the Penguins,” Capitals Coach Barry Trotz said. “That’s probably fitting. We’re actually quite excited about it.”

He said this while eating a family of penguins with a sad face.

Because of a playoff format that pits division opponents against each other through the first two rounds

Something that has just been working out swimmingly!

this will be the third straight second-round meeting between Washington and Pittsburgh.

Thanks Issy, is this a 4th grade book report?

The Penguins have historically owned the matchup, 9-1 all time against the Capitals in postseason series.

Historical ownage!!! 

The last time the Capitals beat the Penguins in a playoff series was 1994, before a handful of players on both teams were even born.

Ah yes, 1994, great year for me I remember it well, took Diana M. to the dance that year, sophomore just killin it, wreckin it watching bonsai and joey juneau lovin life, so young, so carefree. My whole life ahead of me....

But the Capitals aren’t worried about running into the same wall again, never advancing past the second round with Ovechkin in part because Sidney Crosby and the Penguins have barred their way.

WHY THE FUCK AREN'T THEY WORRRIED????

“One day, it has to happen,” Ovechkin said. “If we want to get success, we have to beat Pittsburgh and move forward.”

Just has to, one day, you'll see coach, we're gonna do it guys! Cmon! Funny thing here though, see, it doesn't actually have to happen.

“As a competitor, as a gamer, it’s the type of matchup you want,” forward Tom Wilson said.

He said this while serving a double minor penalty at his son's junior game.

“You lose last year, and if you had said we could fast-forward to this year and be in the same position and have a chance to go at them again, we’d have said, ‘Yeah let’s do it. Let’s start right now,’ because you have that bitter feeling. Every year, you’re going to say Caps-Pens, it’s typical and yeah we’re familiar, we’ve played each other a bunch. And they’ve got the best of us both times, so hopefully we’re going to turn that around.”

I'm not trying to be a dick here but I think ole willy has taken a few too many zoniks to the head, I mean what kind of sentence structure is that? Fast forward to what now?

“Somebody’s gonna beat them eventually, so let’s get excited about our opportunity,” defenseman Matt Niskanen said. “Maybe we’re the team to do it.”

I'm getting really excited here guys, Maybe he said! Whoooo, yeah boy!

“We feel great going into the top of this series. We’re not worried about what happened in previous years. It’s a new year, new teams on both sides.”

That makes exactly one of you then because the rest of us are worried sick, have you not been paying attention to this team for the last oh I dunno, thirty fucking years?!

Roman Stubbs and Adam Kilgore contributed to this story.

This book report and quote listing required two additional writers?!? Hey Post guess what I wrote this whole thing by myself on my lunch break!!

Alright guys, well its great to be back, can't make any promises but hopefully it won't be another seven years before I post again. I'm sure we'll have some great takes to digest as our lucky caps embark on yet another seven game voyage against some pesky lame birds who can't even fly, can't wait!!