Spring Break

(Coach BB's luscious Potomac Maryland back yard, beautiful spring afternoon)

BB: AHHHH! This is the life isn't it hun?! Just chillin' here on our rear veranda patio! Oh what's that darlin? You're best bud wants ANOTHER book signed? Haha! Its okay sweetie! I got all afternoon!

MRSBB: Thanks hon! BRB Think those fresh donuts are almost done in the oven!

BB: Ohhh boy! Its goo time!

(His two shitty kids wrestle in the yard)

BB: Now now boys! I told you to settle down!

(Suddenly a knock on the back gate door)

BB: Who is it?

(NHL Player Brooks Laich walks in)

BL21: Hey Coach! Its me Brooksies!

BB: OHHH Come on in my boy, why didn't ya say so! HON! BROOKSIE IS HERE! Hey kids, come see a real live hockey player!

Two shitty kids: Fuck off fat boy.

BB: Ah oh well, come come brooksies, sit down on my reclining lounge chairs! Appletini?

BL21: Oh abso-freakin-lutely! Say Coach, been reading those papers? Keep talking about your job, can you imagine?!

BB: Oh I know sweetie cakes, its all just nonsense.

BL21: Did ya see my quote?! I slipped and said you were a wizard just to see if they'd print that, and THEY DID HAHA OH OH!

BB: I know, what a scream. But seriously, none of that can get out.

BL21 (sad): You're right coach, I know and I'm sorry.

BB: Now now its okay! Just keep that Gandalf the Wide stuff to us!

(MRSBB comes out with a fresh platter of donuts, BB consumes 18 of them)

BB: Hungry?!?

BL21: No thanks! Think I swallowed a bug on the way over!

(Then BB's 1994 cell phone starts ringing violently)

BB: Oh dear! Hang on Brooksies, (answers) Hello its Brucie?!

MG52: Hey coach, NHL defensemen Mike Green here, you asked me to call?

BB: Yes of course! Mikey boy, I wanted to find out how the MRI went?

MG52: Went?! Went, I'll tell you how it fuckin' went! At this rate I'm gonna wind up in fuckin' bellview! My brain is twisted five ways to sunday, I tell ya coach, I haven't been the same since that year I got hit in Juniors against the goalpost. Now my forearm is fuckin' actin' up, I couldnt even finish racketball earlier. Fuckin gout is just crushing my toes and shit, all this cream I gotta apply and

BB: (click)

(Suddenly a pitch dark cloud washes over the yard, a vile mass so large it blocked out the entire afternoon basking sun)

LenosisTheHutt: OOOHHAHGAWEEEE !! sssooooo ere ateradf dsseeest tesreraadd BruuceeyyYyy?! I willeresswws destrerrroy youuuuu!!!!!

(GMGM slithers behind with a chain around his neck)

GMGM: You heard the man, Bruce you're fired! We're going with Cassidy!

BL21: NOOOOOOOOO!!! (dives into swimming pool drowning himself while two shitty kids laugh)

(Bruce has another donut, will that be his last?)